Suburban Turkeys

In our neighborhood we host a fair number of wild turkeys. We are rather proud that we have them living so happily with us. But I am afraid our turkeys are losing touch with reality. They are coming perilously close to disgracing wild turkeydom by their goofy behavior.

The other day when my friend and I were out on our morning walk, three turkeys came charging out of the church yard, jostling each other in a big hurry to get across the road. They looked for all the world like three old ladies completely unaware of their surroundings, flapping their arms and talking to each other not looking where they were going.

Of course the commuters leaving the neighborhood (going way to fast around the corner) were not exactly mentally or emotionally prepared to encounter gesticulating turkeys on the road at 7:45 in the morning.

There were a few exciting moments when all parties became abruptly

aware of each other. Traffic halted, turkey feathers flew and tragedy was narrowly avoided. The old turkey ladies bounced their way across the road and into the field beyond looking all around in feigned confusion as if they didn’t know quite which direction to go now that the crisis was over. They moved off rearranging their wings and harumphing to each other at the shocking state of traffic these days.

I don’t think they would be so bold if they were aware that in a very short time their domestic counterparts are going to be roasting away in our suburban ovens, to be devoured in great pomp and circumstance accompanied by the soothing sounds of football games in the background.

Or it’s possible they know FULL WELL what is going on and were winging their wattles at us all….(Well they don’t have noses or thumbs, so what else can I say ?)

These suburban wild turkeys do not face the usual pressures of country wild turkeys and perhaps have become a bit arrogant. Hunters are not allowed in the church yard. Or anywhere else near us for that matter. The dogs don’t get a chance to chase them because of the leash laws, and really all that ever happens to them is people point at them like a tourist attraction commenting that it is amazing that they live so close to our homes. So they think they live in complete immunity.

A couple of flocks of turkeys roaming around hearing nothing but, “Oh look, there go the wild turkeys!” May have convinced them they are celebrities and are now supposed to get special treatment. Like dressing trailers filled with corn cobs and all the acorns they can eat wrapped in Canadian maple leaves and imported Wild Turkey whiskey on Perrier ice.

(You KNOW how those divas can get!)

I am thinking about disabusing them of this delusion. I am keeping my eyes peeled for the next few days. I might be able to save a considerable sum by chasing down one of those soft, complacent and dare we say snooty turkeys, and inviting him or her over for dinner. Suburban style !



Happy Thanksgiving !