A Walk in the Woods

I need to go for a walk in the woods. Mostly to get away from cars. I have had it with cars lately. A horse would be okay, I’d take a horse with me in the woods. A nice quiet horse, one that didn’t have anything to prove and without any neurotic attachments to the barn. It’s so annoying to ride a horse that’s always thinking about going back to the barn. Just about the time you get engrossed in enjoying the way the light is bouncing off the quaking aspen leaves, or noticing the color of the big leaf maples, a horse like that will have nonchalantly turned around on you. (If horses could whistle while doing this, they would) It’s like going for an outing with someone you are having a mild disagreement with the entire time. Riding a barn sour horse can turn a normal person into a wild eyed demon in about 15 minutes. So I would take a kind of slow, dumb horse that would forget all about the barn until I told him it was time to go home. THEN I would expect him to be able to find his way back in case I get lost. If you ever meet a horse like that, let me know.

Anyway, up in the woods away from cars would be good. Up beyond the fire break road where all you can smell are pine needles and red clay, maybe some rotting leaves, that’s an okay smell. Especially compared to car exhaust. I hate cars.

Well, being the scrupulously honest person that I am, I will admit that I like being able to go places and do things with cars, but I hate ‘em anyway. They cost a cotton pickin’ fortune. They sit in the driveway and lose their value at a rate that can only be called precipitous. They are noisy. They use petroleum products that come from countries where the people hate our guts. And the really weird thing about cars is how different they are than the ones in the television commercials. Those cars almost always seem to be on a stretch of road somewhere in Iceland without another human being within 300 miles. The vast majority of cars that I see are going about 5 miles an hour on an 8 lane freeway that is LOADED with cars. I wonder where you can get one of those cars in the commercials ? If you ever find one, let me know.

And listen, when some people get into their cars, scary things begin to happen. They get in there like mild mannered Clark Kent and by the time they get to the freeway a transformation has taken place. They think they are Genghis Kahn or something. Napoleon, Sadaam Hussein, maybe and they start doing incredibly stupid things like seeing how close they can drive to the car in front of them at 75 miles an hour and live to tell about it. Or practice basket weaving using their car as the shuttle cock.

Cars can give you a false sense of security. You get in one, pile a bunch of your favorite stuff in there with you and drive far, far away from home. What happens if this modern contraption decides to break? There you are stranded alongside the road with no one around except a bunch of people who think they are. . . . Genghis Kahn !

But I WAS talking about the woods. I need to take a walk in the woods….

To be continued. . . . .