Cell Phone Comedy

Cell phones have provided us with the opportunity to carry on some truly bizarre conversations. In the old days the telephone was firmly anchored to the wall and only the telephone repairman fooled around with it. Then they came up with the little clip on phone lines and we started buying our own phones and plugging them in every room in the house. Then the portable phone came along and we took it all over the place with us. Who would have ever thought we would hear the question, “Where’s the phone?” but we ask it all the time these days. Because we are always laying it down someplace in the garage instead of back in the cradle where it belongs. And then the cell phone arrived.

Now practically everyone I know is carrying around a cell phone, these tiny, plastic packet like things that for some strange reason remind me of travel kleenex packages. They sing, vibrate, tweet and play classic tunes. (Beethoven would be embarrassed ) . Anyway, we have people making phone calls from entirely new places and thus having phone conversations never heard before.

As an example, I give you a conversation I had with my oldest son E. the other day. He was in Los Angeles, I in Sacramento.

Me: Hello.

E. : Hey mom, what’s up ?

Me: Not much, I’m getting ready to go out and work in the garden before it

gets too hot.

E. : (muffled noise) Mom, hold on a minute… (barely audible) Ah, could I

Have a double order of Chicken Tenders, fries and a large Coke ?

Yeah, large Coke……no, I don’t want a Whopper, Chicken Tenders.

Right.

Me : Where are you ?

E. : Burger King

Me : This is weird listening to you order food.

E. : So mom, did you hear the press conference by Rumsfeld this morning?

Me : Yep, he was great ! I love to hear his one word answers. The reporters

never know what to say when answers with a simple yes, or no.

E. : Yeah, he was so cool…. What ? … oh could I have barbecue sauce,

Thanks.

(Silence)

Me. : Are you there ?

E. : Mom.

Me : What ?

E. : Never order a large Coke at Burger King.

Me : Why not ?

E. : This thing is HUGE ! This is a VAT of Coke ! It looks like the

barrel that a St. Bernard rescue dog would carry to revive people.

Geeze, how am I going to drink all this ?

Me : (Laughing hysterically)

E. : Just a minute, (barely audible) Okay thanks… (to the checkout guy)

Okay mom, where were we? (exiting the drive through)

Me : Rumsfeld.

E. : (Paper bag rattling in the background)

Silence…..

Me : What is it ? Don’t tell me…..

E. : They gave me a Whopper.

Me : Laughing even more hysterically…. Are you going back ?

E. : No, I can’t I have to go to a meeting. Geeze, a Whopper…

Me : (Cracking up)

E. : Well, I just wanted to find out if you had heard Rumsfeld.

Me : Yes I did. (wiping tears from my eyes)

E. : I have to get on the freeway now, I have to hang up.

Me : Okay, have a good day !

I gotta tell you, it’s going to be a long time before I get a cell phone.

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